this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
