You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
