i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
