This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
