Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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