ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
