I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
