How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
