People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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