I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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