worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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