he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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