Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
