my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
