If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
