3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
