the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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