update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
