i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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