Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize