I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
