Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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