i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
