Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize