He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need to stop coming to work sober
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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