you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
