I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My liver just broke up with me...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
