found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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