walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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