Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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