Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I believe in your delicious
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
