He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
