Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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