But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
