Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
my liver is dry heaving
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize