we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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