im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
