A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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