"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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