running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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