i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
