So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
