Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize