I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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