you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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