I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
