I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
