if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
