The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
