It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
