You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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