Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
