i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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