3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize