How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
