Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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