I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize