Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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