just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
