My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
