Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
