You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize