I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
