I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
