Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
