i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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