why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
