Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
