and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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