I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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