My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
