just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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