And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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