Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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