i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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