my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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