I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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