Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
