Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
