Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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