dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
