We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize