I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
