there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
