Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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