someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
