College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
