Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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