i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
