How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
