if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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