it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
