Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize