I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
