I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
