Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think my moral compass just broke
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